It might be a hard pill to swallow, but some couples are just better not being together, even if it seems like a perfect match at first.

When you end a relationship, there are always going to be feelings of regret. You cared for them; you invested in them physically, mentally, emotionally, even financially. It’s completely normal to feel bad about it, but feeling regret over the ending of something doesn’t mean it was the wrong choice.

From personal experience, every relationship I’ve ever had end resulted in feeling more self-confident, stronger, and me knowing my worth. But, this was after weeks (or even months) of feeling hurt and frustrated.

Breakups aren’t easy, but separation is often the right decision for a lot of couples. With that being said, here are a few signs that your breakup was the right choice to make.

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You made excuses for them constantly.

Making excuses for someone’s poor behavior is only going to harm you in the grand scheme of things.

• “They’re just busy. Once they’re done working on X, I’ll become their priority.”
• “They only lied because they wanted to protect my feelings.”
• “It’s not my business who they talk to… they have a history with their ex.”
• “It’s okay if they don’t want to introduce me to their friends and family… everyone is busy nowadays.”
• “Their dating history is traumatic… that’s why they act like this.”
• “Their childhood was traumatic… that’s why they treat me like this.”

You shouldn’t have to rationalize the state of your relationship. When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them. If you get into a relationship with someone who refuses to make you a priority, the chances of the situation changing over time are slim.

If you no longer have to make those excuses on a daily basis, you made the right decision to leave the relationship.

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You feel a sense of relief that it’s over.

What’s your initial reaction to the breakup?

Do you feel like your life is over? Or are you… relieved?

Relieved because you finally feel the pressure lift off your shoulders.
Relieved because you don’t have to make those excuses anymore.
Relieved because you feel a sense of freedom wash over you.
Relieved because you no longer have to put up with someone else’s shit.

Are you feeling hopeful? That maybe one day you’ll experience a positive and healthy relationship that you know will be a billion times better than this one?

Do you feel happy? Because you know you’ll be just fine? And now even better because you’ve let go of the person who was constantly bringing you down?

That’s your subconscious mind telling you to stop overthinking because deep down, you know you made the right decision to leave.

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You’re happier with yourself.

Are you happier with yourself now than when you were in a relationship?

Maybe you’ve picked up old hobbies you were forced to drop. You’re back into a routine, going to workout classes, grabbing coffee with friends with no remorse.

When I decided to take a dating hiatus post my breakup, I had the time of my life. I remember thinking, “I’ve never felt as happy as I am right now being single.”

A relationship is supposed to enhance your life; it’s not supposed to drain you, make you feel less than, or contribute to your anxieties or frustrations.

When I first started dating, I had little to no knowledge of how a relationship should work, and because I looked at the guy I was dating as “out of my league,” I’d sacrifice my hobbies, my aspirations, and little things that made me unique for his benefit.

Someone’s attractive attributes can’t be at the expense of you losing yourself.

If you feel like you love post-relationship you more than the relationship you, you made the right decision to leave the relationship.

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You’re the only one who compromised.

Every relationship requires comprise, but there’s only so much you can compromise on before it gets unhealthy.

If you were in a relationship where you changed almost everything about yourself to make the other person happy and make the relationship work, including conceding on things that are important to you, then you were right to walk away.

I changed in a lot of ways when I started dating my boyfriend, but they were all positive changes that enhanced me and made me the person that I am today.

I went from being quick to anger to learning patience and understanding. I went from thinking I wasn’t good enough to chase my dreams to becoming someone who understands my true value.

You deserve the kind of person who enhances your life and makes you see it from a broader perspective, one that inevitably makes you crave positive changes. You deserve a relationship where the both of you grow and develop together for the right reasons, not because you’re just trying to make the other individual happy.

If the changes you made were only to appease the other person, you made the right decision to leave the relationship.

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You know you gave it your all.

Deep down, you know you did everything you could to make it work between the two of you.

The problem wasn’t your effort; it was the relationship as a whole. It was like trying to build a puzzle with a piece from a different picture.

This isn’t you giving up; it’s you admitting that everything happens for a reason, and you being unwilling to settle for something you know isn’t meant for you is an act of self-care and self-love.

Healthy and happy relationships require both parties to boost one another up, respect each other, and continuously grow as individuals. You can’t do any of those things with the wrong person.

You gave it your all, but you didn’t want to settle for anything less than a fulfilling and equal partnership. You made the right decision to leave the relationship.

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Takeaways.

If you feel sad, frustrated, or even regretful over your decision to end your relationship, it’s normal. Don’t take it as a sign to jump back in and try to fix things when you know deep down that you made the right decision.

To reiterate, you know you made the right decision if:

• You constantly made excuses for their bad behavior.
• Deep down you actually feel a sense of relief. You’re just too afraid to admit it.
• You’re already starting to feel like your old self again, and as a result, you’re happier.
• Upon evaluating your relationship, you’ve realized you’re the only one who ever made any real compromises or sacrifices.
• You know you gave it your all. This isn’t you “throwing in the towel” or “giving up”, this is you not settling for less than you deserve.

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This post was previously published on Medium.

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