Walking Our Faith: Moment by moment
On Wednesday evening, we sat down to dinner together for the second night in a row since Mom‘s arrival in Breckenridge.
I made a mustard and Parmesan crusted pork loin with roasted squash and apples. Sharing dinner with someone is a rare treat, because I’ve lived alone for the past six years. Quite honestly, I love cooking and sharing dinner with someone.
Mom is settling in. She uses an oxygen concentrator 24 hours a day, which keeps her blood oxygen at a healthy level and makes it comfortable for her to live above 10,000 feet.
We had our first doctor’s appointment Friday, and Mom will begin regular physical therapy with the goal that she will eventually stop using her wheelchair and return to walking assisted by a walker.
It’s been six years since Mom and I last lived together, and I’ve been surprised at how easily we have fallen back into a comfortable companionship. I’m glad we have both chosen for her to be here at this stage in her life.
Of course, there are still hurdles to overcome. The most important one is to find a new home that is easily accessible for Mom‘s limited mobility, preferably with a main floor bedroom, and one that will allow two Newfoundland dogs. The difficulty in finding this rare housing combination is what keeps me awake at night.
I have lost a lot of sleep this past week, and as I always do when I’m worried, I pray emphatically and ask for God’s help for this final piece of the puzzle. I’m not embarrassed to say that when I am most worried, I resort to begging God for answers.
But in the middle of one of these restless nights, I remember that God knows me and my needs better than I do, that God has never failed me even when my prayers seem to go unanswered or when the answer is not what I expected.
About halfway through this week, I asked God to strengthen my courage, to help me let go and trust him in all things, even when I am determined to hold onto the outcome that I want.
When I flew to Fort Lauderdale, Florida, Aug. 6, I had no idea I would be returning a week later to Breckenridge with my mother sitting next to me on the plane.
Not in my wildest imagination had that idea occurred to me, because Mom and I had agreed that she was happy in the community of friends she had built in Fort Lauderdale. But building communities of friends has always been her strength; it is what allowed her to live overseas and move to a new country every two years.
So, here she is. And here we are.
When I am worried about tomorrow and how this latest adventure will unfold for Mom and myself, I remember that Jesus told us time and again not to worry about tomorrow but to embrace the truth that God‘s grace is enough for today.
I am learning to live moment by moment because each moment with my mother is precious. I want to hold onto God’s promise that he will be with us every step of the way.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand — when I awake, I am still with you.
— Psalm 139:8-18
Suzanne Elizabeth Anderson’s column “Walking Our Faith” publishes Saturdays in the Summit Daily News. Anderson is the author of 10 novels and nonfiction books on faith. She has lived in Breckenridge since 2016. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.