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So the other day, I had a very vivid dream about my ex. Not just any ex. That ex. You know, the one that when you two meet, the clouds part and a sunbeam illuminates him from above. Birds start singing. A rainbow appears out of nowhere. Butterflies invade your stomach and never leave. The one that you wanted to keep FOREVER. And since the dream was a treat to linger over for the rest of the day, I decided to check out his FB to see if there was a recent pic. Well, there was a status change. He is now married. To the woman he got with after we broke up. After telling me that he would never marry again.

And I have to admit, my first reaction was to feel like my best friend picked someone else to play with and I was alone on the playground. See, this is why spying on exes is truly a bad idea. I felt rejected and hurt because this other woman got what I wanted. Or what I think that I wanted. That is the key.

Yes, I loved this man. Very much. But would I be happy being married to him? No. I know 100% the answer is no. So it was unrealistic to feel the way that I was feeling, yet I still felt it. All day.

When we aren’t the one chosen, it can lead to us feeling less than, when really, especially in this case, I should have been feeling grateful. If it would have played out differently, I would have been stuck in a town that I hated. Living a life much smaller than the one that I have lived since we broke up. Would he have been enough to keep me happy? Hell no. Making one person the focus of your happiness never has a good outcome.

When I really sit down and examine what my life would have been like, I realize that I would have pushed against the confines of that relationship and eventually ended up despising this person that I claimed to have loved. The truth is that it never would have been enough for me. And instead of feeling less than, I should be thanking the universe for not allowing me to confine myself into his box and be less than.

I think it is natural to feel a little bit of, “Why couldn’t he do that for me?” when an ex gets married. Especially when he was adamant that this outcome was not a possibility for the two of you. At the heart of all of this, what does it really boil down to? Their puzzle pieces lined up. Yours didn’t. It is not a negative reflection of you, so please don’t see it as that. Take a minute to be proud of yourself that you didn’t stay and accept anything less than what you wanted and ultimately, what you deserve. Remember some great experiences that you have had since the breakup and please stop stalking your exes on FB!

— -That last one was for me : )

This post was previously published on Change Becomes You and is republished here with permission from the author.


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The post When Your Ex Gets Married appeared first on The Good Men Project.